In a recent interview, I was asked where I saw myself in 10 years. I didn't hesitate in answering: "A full-blown cat lady working on my laptop, drinking wine and eating pizza. Wait… that’s me right now."
I mean, if you know me, you know my Bengal kitty, Keiko. I wear his name on a necklace around my neck (shout out Amy for the gift!) and yes, it does seem to deter some potential boys sometimes but IDGAF.
Here's Keiko aka Keeks:
He's legit my "Emotional Support Animal." Like, I really have a letter from my therapist saying so. And ya know what? It's real. People talk about how cats have no attachment to their owners and I have to completely DIS.A.GREE. My cat runs to me when I come thru the door, knows when I'm sad and cuddles me and he loves me even though he'll pee on my bed when he's mad at me. #TrueLove
I miss him when I'm gone on trips or just at work in the morning. And sometimes I wish I could love a human as much as I love my damn cat because I don't have to be vulnerable with him. Just need to feed him, pet him and change his litter. #RelationshipGoals
But thinking about my little ESA makes me think about depression and anxiety. Something I've dealt with for years and am absolutely NOT embarrassed about, thankfully. Surprisingly so since it started after I was dumped by my ex-boyfriend via text message 3 years ago. I spun into a deep, lonely, no food, lots of crying depression. My days were go to work (barely make it through the 5 hours on the radio), come home cry, sleep, not eat for days, then binge on pizza and a bottle of wine. Repeat.
And that depression spun into anxiety. As a Type A/OCD person I'd probably say I've always had anxiety. But this breakup triggered it to another level for sure. So I did something I never grew up understanding because my dad was adamantly against it -- I went to a therapist. And it changed my whole freaking life. I'm better, I understand better, I live better and I love better (myself and friends not so much boys haha).
I mentioned Sally in a past blog, but I truly wish the mental health paradigm would change in this world. I wish people would accept that everyone needs and deserves a therapist. I wish people would be open and honest and raw about these issues because you'd be surprised who in your immediate circle is probably struggling in some capacity. And I wish people would not feel judged or broken by needing therapy or help.
And although the headline of my life is "I'm a mess" and constantly feel broken, I know that these messes and cracks are absolutely what make me who I am. I don't regret my early marriage or subsequent early divorce or the other troubles that sometimes we all wish we could wish away.
Sheesh, this post was supposed to be about how amazingly awesome my cat is. And how much of a cat lady I am but really, after having multiple people in my life the past few days talking about this topic, it made me realize how important getting what you need when you need it is. Whatever that means for you: pizza or cat cuddles or phone calls with friends, yoga or much-needed wine time.
Basically those are all the things I need and I'm grateful for my cat and the people in my life that act as another level of Emotional Support for me. Shout out to the people who always stop me when I say "I'm a mess" because they love me just as I am.
Here's another pic of my cat, because... cat.