This weekend, Bobby learned something new: he can assemble a bassinet. He also learned something else, he did not actually know what a bassinet was until about two days ago. He thought it was basically a tiny crib, a “super baby” crib, as he confidently (and very incorrectly) called it. In his mind, it made perfect sense: super baby, then baby, then toddler. Everyone else immediately informed him that this is definitely not how babies work.
The bassinet was easy enough to put together, but things took a turn when he moved on to the stroller–car seat–transformer contraption. This thing had more parts than some full-sized appliances, and the official how-to video was absolutely no help. It had no words, no captions, just a woman silently demonstrating steps like a mime. Bobby stared at the screen begging for narration, trying to decode what her hands were doing. He understood they wanted one universal video for all languages, but he couldn’t help but wish they’d made a version with actual spoken instructions.
Unfortunately, this silent video was the only official guide for the exact model. He double-checked using the QR code and everything. Eventually he and his wife Caitlin found a TikTok where someone talked through parts of the setup, but by then Bobby was already irritated and halfway committed to guessing his way through the assembly. He even tested things out with a practice baby, just to avoid accidentally ejecting the real one later. He’ll likely re-check everything again, because he’s still not fully convinced it’s all correct.
He also found out babies can’t face forward in the car for a long time. Bobby was ready for his kid to stare proudly at the open road, but apparently that’s not how modern car seats work. When he was growing up, it felt like they tossed you into the front seat at age five and hoped for the best. Now there are strict age, size, and weight requirements. He and Caitlin also installed one of those rear-facing baby mirrors, another thing he never knew existed.
When he posted pictures of the progress on Instagram, everything was in black and white. Not because he suddenly became artsy, but because he didn’t want people analyzing color clues and guessing the baby’s gender. He was wearing blue BYU shorts in one picture and immediately thought, “Nope, can’t post that.” People on the internet treat colors like hidden Easter eggs, and Bobby wasn’t looking to start any theories. He also noticed he wasn’t smiling in any of the photos, not because he was posing seriously, but because he was genuinely annoyed by the YouTube video with no words. He looked like a man whose optimism had been stolen by confusing baby gear.
Now the house is filled with random leftover parts he’s afraid to touch. They’re future pieces for different stroller levels, car seat configurations, or phase-two transformations, but everything has gotten mixed together. Bobby has no idea what belongs to the stroller, the bassinet, the car seat, or the crib. It feels exactly like building IKEA furniture and ending up with leftover screws, except this time the stakes are higher. Still, the nursery is officially coming together. They’re close. They’ve assembled a lot, broken nothing (so far), and watched an absurd number of confusing instructions.