Lunchbox Has a Great Job, a Great House, and a Dead Car He Refuses to Replace
Lunchbox has gone almost two years without a working car. Not because he can't afford one — as the crew pointed out, the man has a great job — but because his old car is still parked right out front of his house... completely dead, battery gone, doesn't even turn over anymore. And he just can't seem to let it go.
The Altima That Won't Die (Because It's Already Dead)
The storm that rolled through prompted the whole conversation. Lunchbox doesn't drive to work — he bikes — so when the weather turns bad, his backup plan is Uber. Which raised the obvious question from the crew: why doesn't he just get a car?
Turns out the answer is pure sentimentality. Lunchbox drove that Altima for almost 20 years and racked up somewhere around 208,000 miles on it. Even though it now just sits there, dead, taking up a street parking spot, he's held onto some kind of hope that someone's going to knock on his door one day and say, "Hey, I know how to fix cars," and bring it back to life.
His neighbor, understandably, is not thrilled. Word is he's taken to gently trolling Lunchbox every time he walks by — casually mentioning that the Altima "hadn't moved today" like it's the neighborhood's most consistent piece of scenery.
The Show's Solution: A Viking Funeral
Rather than towing it or, you know, just replacing it like a normal person, the crew's official suggestion was to give the car a proper send-off — push it into the water, light an arrow, and shoot it Viking-funeral style. Lunchbox seemed into the idea in theory. Buying an actual replacement car, less so.
Meanwhile, Rainy-Day Ubers Are a Whole Ordeal
Without a car, rainy mornings turn into a genuine stress test for Lunchbox. He described the anxiety of watching Uber drivers cancel on him one after another, panicking about missing the bus for his kids, and debating whether to wake up his wife to borrow her car instead. On the morning in question, he got lucky — a driver picked him up for about $13 — but then had to start doing math on how he was getting home, too, since a round trip in Ubers adds up fast for someone who apparently has a perfectly good — well, previously good — car sitting right outside.
Biking in the rain, for the record, is off the table entirely. Lunchbox was clear he has no interest in showing up to the studio "like a wet dog" with a soaked backpack and computer, even after being offered the very reasonable suggestions of a rain jacket, a hat, or a trash bag over his bag.
The Real Twist: He Checks the Weather the Old-Fashioned Way
While everyone else in the room pulls up a weather radar to plan their morning, Lunchbox admitted he just walks outside and looks at the sky. No radar, no percentages — just a guy stepping outside to personally assess the clouds before deciding if the day calls for an Uber.
So for now, the Altima stays parked, the neighbor keeps making his comments, and Lunchbox keeps rolling the dice with Uber drivers every time the forecast looks even a little gray. A great job, a great house, and, somehow, still no working car.
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